You really coming over, don't trick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
