Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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