Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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