:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
