ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
