but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
