it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you win again, gameday.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
