We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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