I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
