how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
