I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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