Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
