I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
