i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
