someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
