i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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