probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
