6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
