The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
