he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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