I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
