I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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