I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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