There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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