This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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