i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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