Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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