The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
