I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
