I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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