I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
