Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
