garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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