i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize