These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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