it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
