My liver just broke up with me...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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