I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
