Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
