I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
