What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
