That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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