I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
