I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
how drunk are you?
Several
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize