if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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