is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
