I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
