she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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