So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
