I wish my penis had an off switch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
