We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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