I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
