Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
