is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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