Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
