i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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