The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
