i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
