i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish my penis had an off switch
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
